- Forever Change is a quirky DIY guide to change and personal growth. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone, and create a better you - FOREVER.
- I post here about once a week. I also have a sister site Forever Change Weight Loss.
Chocolate, Pizza, Ice Cream, Wine and the Comfort Zone
photo credit: spaceodissey
It is Saturday and you are contemplating stepping out of your comfort zone. I mean SERIOUSLY contemplating stepping out of your comfort zone. You are on the precipice. You take a step and……
Negative emotions come bubbling to the surface and immediately you start to feel uncomfortable. One of the first instincts is how do I get rid of these negative feelings? You want to push away these negative feelings because they are unpleasant, and your logical brain says this can’t be good for me.
It gets worse. You think you shouldn’t have these feelings. So now you have guilt layered in over the top of all the other feelings.
So what do you do about it?
It’s obvious isn’t it?– you get rid of those feelings as quickly as possible.
Just as well you have that packet of biscuits in the cupboard for these occasions because you’ll never know when they might come in handy.
Other good options are cakes, flavoured icecream (vanilla doesn’t seem to cut it) and of course the ever reliable and faithful chocolate bar, chocolate block, chocolate tuffles, chocolate anything really.
photo credit: VirtualErn
If you are more savoury inclined, then perhaps pizza, chips, or a delicacy from the golden arches (they never let you down).
The best one though is that good old standby that never fails - a glass of wine, a beer, a scotch or whatever takes your fancy.
But don’t stop at one. You need at least 3 before those horrible feelings start to go away. Better make it at least six then.
Ahh that feels much better …burp…belch……oops sorry about that!
The morning after the night before….
You wake up Sunday morning feeling a bit ordinary. Actually that’s not quite correct. You feel like crap. You are suffering from one or more of the following hangovers: sugar, salt, grease, alcohol.
It gets worse though. In the cold hard light of day you return to thinking about the changes you want in your life and those negative feelings come flooding back. This time those feelings feel like they are amplified.
Ahhh where is that packet of biscuits? Damm there are none left but at least you have 4 slices of leftover pizza for breakfast.
Change can be scary
You really do want to change but the whole idea scares the crap out of you. There are so many issues to deal with as soon as you start moving out of your comfort zone.
You want to deal with the issues and move forward but thanks to yesterdays debacle you just have no energy to deal with the issues. It will have to wait another day.
This whole change business is scary stuff. Getting out of your comfort zone is a minefield of emotions like fear, guilt, unworthiness, hurt and anger. These emotions are so powerful and overwhelming. It is enough to have you scurrying back into your comfort zone in a heart beat.
Eventually if you keep scurrying back to your comfort zone you will run out of energy and feel discouraged. Sometimes it can get beyond discouragement and you get to the point where you feel exhausted. Exhaustion is discouragement multiplied and amplified.
Consider Negative Emotions as Tools
By pushing those feelings away using self medication you dampen the intensity of the emotion. This makes you feel better temporarily. The price you pay is you also dampen the energy for change.
How about if you looked at these negative emotions in a different way? Could you open yourself up to the possibility of not wanting to get rid of these negative feelings?
How about if you saw these negative emotions as tools? Tools are neutral. The way you choose to use the tool determines whether it is positive and beneficial or negative and detrimental.
Take for example a knife. A knife can spread butter on your bread, cut tomatoes for a salad, be used in life saving surgery, be used in a robbery to threaten staff or used to stab and kill someone. A knife is just a tool that can be used in a number of ways.
Even negative emotions have energy, and that energy can be used as a tool.
How can you harness this energy? That my friend is for another post.
In the meantime you can help me make the follow up post more meaningful.
If there is a negative emotion you experience when stepping out of your comfort zone that you would like me to cover in the follow up post - let me know via the comments section. (You can also contact me via the contact tab if you don’t you don’t want to do this publicly in the comments section)
By the way you can also use the comments section to comment on the post in general or just say hello too. I love getting comments from regular readers as well as new ones too!
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Categories
- A Story About a Major Business Restructure
- Belief
- Comfort Zone
- Inspirational
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Hi Leanne. From my recent experiences I’ve been learning that when I step out of my comfort zone, I become vulnerable to fear of failure. It is easier to lose confidence in oneself when stepping into new territory because there are no reference points of experience to compare with.
When I feel vulnerable it is easy to give way to selling myself short; not honouring my value. This is quickly followed by anger because I feel violated by the people or circumstances in my life. But really, I’m the one violating my own self; I’ve allowed it to happen. It’s been a great discovery process; one that up until now I’ve only understood in my head. Now I’m learning to live it and learn from it. Neat stuff… these emotions… sometimes
Davinas last blog post..Akemi Gaines On Intuition, Dreams And Spiritual Guidance–Interview Part 1
Hello Leanne!
Hey, I can relate to this - pizza and beer…
The comfort zone - once you’re there, it’s so…”comfortable”. But that doesn’t mean we should always stay there, does it Leanne! And leaving, stepping out beyond what’s comfortable, that can be very hard to do.
The emotion I feel when I step outside my zone of comfort is anxiety. I become anxious - in the not knowing, in the uncertainty, in the questioning if I will be successful or fail, in maybe looking foolish. I don’t necessarily like this feeling - because it makes it harder for me to concentrate. I spend too much of my time trying to “calm down” my inner mind and heart.
I like what Davina has added, as well. Feeling vulnerable — I’m there too.
Leanne, this is a great article - emotions plays such a big part in how we effectively (or not) deal with the changes we have going on in our lives. I’m looking forward to the follow up post…
Lances last blog post..Fear: Does It Hold You Back?
Hi Davina
Stepping into new territory can be daunting. I am doing that now in my work environment and there are still many challenges to face in the future. I can certainly relate to what you said about violating your own self. We can choose how we react to someone or some thing. Knowing we have the choice every time seems obvious but it has taken me a long to discover this. It sounds like you have discovered this and you are learning and forging ahead.
Hi Lance
Ah yes anxiety, fueled by the WHAT IF. I understand your anxiety and vulnerability Lance. I have been in situations where I feel vulnerable and I have worried about what might happen. We often over think and play out too many scenarios in our mind. Sometimes we can be stuck in think mode instead of “do” mode.
yes I think ice cream is the cure for all society’s ills. Or maybe some cheese and crackers. I’m more a foodie than a drinkie. Anyway I have a black box widget that led me to your fascinating blog. Come and say hello
french fancys last blog post..Revolutionary fact number three - yes, there’s plenty more
Interesting post.
I find stepping out of the comfort zone to be exhilarating… usually. Now, actually taking the first step is the hard part.
Moderation is key in the case of the items you mentioned, but I’m not sure about giving any of it up entirely. I was a vegan for several years, and have been contemplating going back to vegetarian as I felt the best ever during those years. However, emotionally I was a wreck because of a bad relationship.
I managed to get through that as a vegan, tea-totaler. Now, I tend to have a glass of wine each evening and try to avoid pizza and chocolate. Where was I going with this?
Anyhow, when I step out of the comfort zone, the negative emotion I get is fear of failure, and I bite my fingernails. This is what I need to overcome. Got any tips? I’ve stopped in the past, so I know it’s possible. I suppose I just need to concentrate.
Be well.
Ians last blog post..I Want To Do It With You
Hi Leanne, I’ve been reading your blog for a while but this is the first time I’ve felt like commenting. By the way, my favourite music album of all time is “Forever Changes” by Love, and it was this similarity which brought me to your site in the first place.
I work for a bank in the UK advising people about investments - as you can imagine at the moment its all bad news. Although I’ve done this job for a lot of years and have lived through previous bad times, at the moment I’m feeling really depressed about having to ring people with bad news, basically scared at what their reaction will be - and I reach for the chocolate or the wine allegedly to cheer me up -and of course it doesn’t. Fear of upsetting people I guess - although logically I know I’m only the messenger, I’m hardly personally responsible for the global financial meltdown.
Tinas last blog post..I’ve been to a few gigs recently….
Hi french fancy
Nice of you to spend some time here once you landed on this blog. I checked out your blog. I found the Revolutionary fact No 2 interesting. I had no idea that for a short time the French had a completely different time and calendar system. I also liked your recollection of your childhood holiday on the continent. A child’s view of the world is so refreshing (and often funny too).
Hi Ian
Thank you for visiting Forever Change
I agree moderation is the key and the occasional glass of wine is actually good for you. As to the fingernail biting being aware you are doing it is a start. Some people go into auto mode and don’t really realize they are biting their nails. Try substituting biting your nails for another activity eg a stress ball, doing some simple stretches etc. If the fingernail biting is deeply ingrained then I recommend using self hypnosis – listening to a guided meditation track. I know people who have given up smoking with guided meditation/self hypnosis. You can probably find one for free (or for a very small cost) on the internet if you look around.
Hi Tina
Nice to hear from you. I have never heard of the album Forever Changes, I am curious now I must see if I can find it online. Being the bearer of bad news is stressful. I used to work with very long term unemployed people and when I had to tell them they missed out on getting an interview for a job or some other bad news it was always difficult. You sound like a very caring person and that would come across in your interaction with people in your job. Even if customers haven’t expressed it to you I am sure they would be appreciative of a caring voice on the other end of the line.
Thanks Leanne, thats a good way to think about it, I’ll try to remember to do that in practice!
You’ll find links to some of the tracks from “Forever Changes” down the left hand side of my blog.
Tinas last blog post..I’ve been to a few gigs recently….
Hey Leanne …. found my way back to your blog finally! Seems like there is some catching up to do with the reading and learning here. Life took over for a while, but there is now a plan in place to manage those negative feelings and use them to move on!!
One thing I learnt through my journey over the past few years is that it is ok to feel those negative feelings …. in fact allow yourself to really feel them, accept them, then you will find you can use them to get on with it! Works for me!
Talk again soon … Karen
Hi Karen
I have made a similar discovery in my journey too, that it is OK to have the negative feelings, and to allow yourself to feel them rather than push them away. Based on your experiences, you would probably be well placed to write part 2 of this article.
Ripper post Leanne. You’ve been to that Craig Harper mind reading course haven’t you?!
Cheers,
Gb
Greg Brays last blog post..Getting Fit - On the Road Part 2
Thanks for the compliment Greg.
Yes this post is my best impression of Milli Vanilli (or whatever they were called) meets Craig Harper the mind reader post, where I lip synch to Craig’s words.
You gotta get comfortable outside the comfort zone!! Remember that each failure gets you one step closer to success! Great stuff!
PizzaForADream.coms last blog post..Give It All You’ve Got
Hi PizzaForADream
I assume the word Pizza in the title of this post is how you got here. Thanks for staying and reading my post. Good point you made about failures. A person who is comfortable about making failures is more likely to step out of their comfort zone more often.
Hi Leanne, I feel positive emotions in a strong way but I feel negative emotions even more intensely. A surprising amount of what I’ve achieved in life has been kick started by a negative experience.
I keep meaning to research famous people or inventers who used their negative emotions and energy to great (and positive) effect. One day.
We can attempt drown our sorrows. We push them down and cover it with a mass of doughnuts or TV or Internet browsing, but they have a way of surfacing.
I had a family once wringing their hands over their daughter. The mother kept crying and asking for reassurance. I told her that she was healthy but I couldn’t take away the fact that she might have another seizure. I couldn’t promise her that when she did that everything would be okay.
That unknown was paralyzing her. She couldn’t even fathom what to do.
Her husband turned to her and said simply, “Be Brave.”
I loved that.
Hi Dave
We can learn a lot from how successful people like inventors etc deal with negative emotions and negative energy. In short they remain calm and in control even when under pressure and can cut through the crap including negative emotions to determine an appropriate course of action. They don’t procrastinate they just do it. Plus they don’t give up, they persevere to achieve goals even in the face of obstacles.
Hi Dr Cason
The fear of the unknown can be so difficult to deal with. It takes a lot of courage to face this fear head on. Her husband was right she needed to be brave. You must have a lot of situations in your work life where parents are seeking reassurance from you about their child’s future health, and the reality is you can’t tell them every thing will be fine. Yet another difficult aspect of the work you do. I really admire your passion and commitment Dr Cason.
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